A Story of Love and Fear

What are we talking about when we talk about money?

In our series of teaching on fasting, praying, and giving, this month we are exploring giving. What does it means to build a culture of generosity and to grow in the art of giving? It has opened a reservoir of memories and reflections on the times and seasons where I have made the most generous choices and felt the most freedom.

Let me tell you a love story.

A long time ago (..in a far away galaxy..) I met the vision of grace and beauty I am privileged to call my wife. I was 19 years old. She was a teacher, and I was only a year older than her ‘A level’ students.

One of the first things I did, after working up the bottle to invite her on a first date, was to start bringing her gifts; A large clay pot, a mirror, a steak. The latter gift of raw meat I brought to her flat one evening as I had observed that as an exhausted secondary school teacher she appeared in need of energy, so my best solution was to feed her steak. I emphasise that this was not the normal behaviour of a hitherto fairly narcissistic teenager, but I was in love, and love changes you. Because if you love someone, you give them something.

Anyhow, it worked. We were engaged in six weeks and married a year later. (and remain very much in love 35 years later, in case you are reading this but don’t know us 

Within a couple of years of marriage Julie and I were both feeling a call to leave the security of our respective jobs in the Midlands, and to launch into the great unknown of youth ministry in North London. Money wasn’t the first thing on our minds. We had heard a call, but in pursuing it we had to begin to trust that God would provide.

This didn’t go down too well with my father-in-law, who had given his blessing to marry his daughter (we did things the good old way back then  thinking that I would carry on my earthly fathers business of making money. Instead we were both leaving our secure well paid jobs…. for what exactly?

We faced a LOT of criticism from family.

And the one thing that gave that 22 year old me freedom in the face of the prevailing fear of money which surrounded us (and which still gives me freedom now) was that I clearly heard my heavenly Father speak to my heart through two short and rather obscure scriptures;

The first was “Don’t muzzle the ox that threshes the grain”. The second was “no soldier goes to war at his own expense”.

‘Hmm’ I hear you thinking. ‘Not exactly classic teaching texts on giving or generosity.’

But as I prayed and read these two texts I heard my Father speak; ‘Phil, If you work with me, I will never leave you or your family in need. If you go into battle with me I will always pay your expenses’.  And he has.

Because here’s the thing; we had already experienced how amazing, how faithful and how generous God is towards us. And when we see God’s great generosity towards us we are more able to take ‘risks’ and to make what might appear like sacrifices to others because we have been been fully reassured of Gods great love and his risky sacrifice for us.

As the gospel of John puts it; ‘We love, because he first loved us.’

But probably more on point; ‘God so loved the world that he gave… ‘

So what’s all that got to do with teaching on giving? Wouldn’t it be easier to simply negotiate to giving a portion of my income (to whatever the current need) so that I can forget all about it and let the standing orders do their stuff? Certainly that is a convenient and tax efficient way to give, and one that I employ, but if it’s not rooted in love, in prayer, and in a revelation of heaven’s generosity toward us, it’s not yet quite fully the unique expression of discipleship that it could be.

As Jenny shared last Sunday, OT teaching on giving tends to focus on a tithe, but the spirit of where tithing was hinting at is picked up by Jesus in the NT, where He asks us for everything.

So what are we talking about when we talk about money? I think we are talking about love and fear.  Only perfect love can drive out fear. Only love can give 100%

I am not interested in how much you give, because frankly I don’t think God is either. He is  interested in how money relates to you discipleship journey.